Ties Sam won't be wearing to ring in 2004 |
| Last years crop of ties at the New Years Eve party was
fairly lame. In order to inspire folks to do better this year I decided to
advertise the ties I have made but won't be wearing to the party. Don't get shown
up and have one of these cast-offs be better than the tie you come with. So get on
with creating an award winner.
Update: Here is the tie I really wore, which won the
"Holy Grail Tie" award.
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Title:
Horrible Kids Macaroni Project Tie
Made from:
Standard Necktie
Paper Plates
Shell Macaroni
Gold Spray Paint
Awards it might win:
Most Heinous
Why I'm not wearing it New Years Eve
Look at the tie again, do you really have to ask?
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Title:
Match Made in Heaven Tie
Made from:
Standard Necktie
Safety Matches
Awards it might win:
Hottest Tie
Hottest Guy Wearing a Tie (hey, I can dream can't I?)
Why I'm not wearing it New Years Eve
One of you yahoos would probably say something you think is witty like "How about a little fire scarecrow?" and then set me ablaze.
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Title:
What's in a Name Tie
Made from:
Standard Necktie
Various Nametags
Awards it might win:
Most Egotistical
Why I'm not wearing it New Years Eve
You'd find out I used to be a manager at Wendys.
A sin to cover the Flying Sam-I-Am tie with anything.
I'd actually like to win a prize.
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Title:
Sealed with a Kiss Tie
Made from:
Standard Necktie
Mistletoe
Awards it might win:
The What Were You Thinking? Award
Most Likely to Get Its Wearer Slapped
Least Likely to Impress Prospective Inlaws
Most Brutally Honest
Why I'm not wearing it New Years Eve
Even I have more couth, if only slightly, than to wear a tie like this.
Last time I wore it the only thing I got was a restraining order.
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Title:
Not Tonight, Dear, I Have a Headache Tie
Made from:
Standard Necktie
Ibuprofen, 200mg
Awards it might win:
None at all I'd guess
Why I'm not wearing it New Years Eve
No point in giving her a ready-made excuse, let her come up with her own.
Ate the ibuprofen off of it for that pesky 'Day after Christmas' hangover.
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Title:
Screw U. Tie
Made from:
Standard Necktie
Assorted Screws
Awards it might win:
Most Likely to Elicit a Groan
Best Double Entendre
Why I'm not wearing it New Years Eve
Actually earned real degrees from Penn State and UNM, only have an honorary degree from Screw U.
Saving it for important events: Congressional Hearings, IRS Audits, Bosses Day Luncheons.
Less hardware-savvy folks might confuse it with my Nail U. tie.
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